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I've noticed something lately… Occasionally, when I'm interacting with people, I hear them clarify what they're saying to ensure that I didn't misunderstand them. And this before I even give any indication that I was offended or put off by their comments… Why do they/we do that?
My own thought is that it signifies a lack of trust in the environment. Trust that we have each other's best interest at heart in all we do and say… Trust that we'll assume the best about each other… Trust that we're just trying to help rather than step on each other's toes… Trust that we're just trying to solve a problem or help each other grow rather than accuse or put down others…
Am I seeing this through a clear lens? Or is my own perception a signal of what's going on in my own head? Do I mistrust people? I don't generally think I do; I think I typically assume people intend to do well -- maybe I'm even a bit too trusting sometimes. There are times, though, when I feel hurt or frustrated when I start to notice things that seem to indicate ill-will rather than "assuming the best."
I'm curious what others think… Why the lack of trust? How do we build trust such that people feel ok just speaking plainly and openly/honestly? So we don't step on each other's toes because we're open about when we cross boundaries, etc.? Hmmm…
What do you think?
3 comments:
I have clarified my remarks many times. There are so many people that take offense at the silliest things, that I don't want to risk someone being offended unintentionally. It's not that I don't trust others, it's that I second guess myself and my comments and wonder what it would sound like directed at me. Make sense? I'd just rather be safe than sorry.
It still seems like a trust thing to me. Not necessarily that YOU lack trust in others, but a general lack of trust in our society that people have the best intentions and mean well. I mean, theoretically, why should it matter if you don't say something just right? If you speak to me and say something that doesn't sound quite right, shouldn't I trust that you didn't mean to cause offense by it? Unless, of course, you have a history of being offensive to people -- which I highly doubt! ;)
There must be more to your story- the preface made me believe the speakers were just clarifying in an attempt to communicate more clearly. I didn't pick up any description of their behaviors or comments which suggested attempts to avoid offense.
I clarify often simply because I communicate poorly enough generally and people misunderstand- not necessarily in an offensive way, just misunderstand.
Did that make sense?
;-)
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